My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
