did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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