Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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