Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
