Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
