____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
