I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize