I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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