you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He better not be in your backpack
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i out mim tonsoeep
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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