Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
