He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Are we still banned from the library?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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