i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
