Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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