dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
