What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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