this beer tastes like vomit already
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
