Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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