): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
