I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
