So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
