I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
