You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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