I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
