I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
