I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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