She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
