and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
