I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
