yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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