Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
