He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
