I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
