It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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