We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
