Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
