You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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