this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
