I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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