I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
