Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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