I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Fuck appropriateness.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
