I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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