the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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