Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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