i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
