It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
