Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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