never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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