Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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