that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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