I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize