Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize