Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
