Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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