we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
