you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
