College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
