if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize