Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
