I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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