i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This is my gift to your gina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
