Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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