Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found puke in my bra..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
