Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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