I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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