dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
