I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
