The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
