i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
