Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
