I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
