Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
