apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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