the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
