he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
