its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
