I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize